Lesson in Parenting From Under a Pile of Laundry

When bonding with your child over the 100th Day of Kindergarten project, and you decide to get all show-offy and let your Kindergartner do the 100 Skittles rainbow you saw online, remember:

1) Skittles get messy in a 5 year old's fingers.

2) Skittles get mushy when put in contact with glue.

3) Skittles get melty when a 5 year old's fingers put them in contact with glue.

4) Messy, mushy, melty Skittles leave a rainbow of color on every surface in your kitchen and your 5 year old.

5) Construction paper is flimsy and gets soggy when you glue on 100 messy, mushy, melty Skittles.

6) A 2 year old will eat any and all Skittles that fall to the floor, regardless of how messy, mushy, melty, gluey, or papery stucky they are. 

7) That flimsy, soggy construction paper with the not-quite-dried messy, mushy, melty Skittles rainbow does not go into a back pack easily or cleanly or in one piece.

Happy 100th Day!

Never Ever

Big Brother, exasperated: "There's too much stuff on this table!"

Me, more exasperated: "That's why I told you to clean up your stuff!"

Big Brother, groaning at the lecture: "Nnnnnnmmmmmm."

Me, in that annoying Mom voice: "I don't tell you these things just to hear myself talk!"


FLASHBACK.......
Me, in that annoying 14 year old voice: "I am NEVER saying that to MY kids!"

Die Hard Fan

Sister: "What's that?"

Me: "Iced tea."

Sister, pondering the wonders of the universe: "Why do you like iced tea?"

Me, just trying to fix dinner: "I dunno.  Why do you like chocolate?"

Sister, looking at me like I don't know anything: "Because I'm a fan of chocolate!....................AND sugar. Really!  I am!" More pondering....................."I'm also a fan of french fries."

Dinner is going to be a huge disappointment.

Sister's Random Statement of Fact

"When we get a housekeeper, Big Brother and I won't have to clean our rooms."

Me: "When we get a housekeeper?"

Sister, sigh: "When we get housekeeperssssss......."

She obviously knows something I don't know.

Sibling Rivalry

During a commercial break in "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York"

Sister:  "What if we went to New York, and Big Brother got lost?"

Wishful thinking? Or the beginnings of a diabolical plan?

Sister's Random Statement of Fact

"Nobody knows what happened to Alvin and the Chipmunks' parents."

pondering, pondering, pondering......

"Maybe they just went away."

Lesson in Parenting From Under a Pile of Laundry

If you decide to put a full box of toasted oat circle cereal on the table next to your toddler, make sure you close up the plastic wrap and the box.

Do it.  

Even if you set it down so you could grab the open carton of milk out of his hands just before it achieved a complete horizontal position over the table.

Tank's Ode to the Booger

Little green and gooey blob,
Clogging up my nose.
Come on out of there, my friend,
And get between my toes.

Let me smear you 'cross my cheek,
so quick on snot so clear.
My sleeve will take you right along,
Along to my little ear.

Momma says "Use a tissue!",
if I wanna get you out.
But I like you on my fingertip.
It makes my sister shout.

So while it's fun to chase her,
And take you for a run.
My very favorite place for you
Is the middle of my tongue.

The End is Not Near Enough

I was swimming up through the seaweed of dreams.  Floating just below the surface of wakefulness. Watching the sunlight of awareness shimmer through the waves of sleep. The cries of the baby are muffled as I near the surface, closer to the light. Louder. Closer. More light. 

Darkness. I'm awake. The morning room is still dark. The baby's cries are clear now. It is too early. I look to the ceiling, to the five point shadow above me. Why is Cookie Monster spread eagle on my ceiling? 

Oh, that's the ceiling fan.

I need Winter Break to be over. Right now.