Big Daddy's Gray Hair

At bedtime:

Sister: "Daddy?  What's 'taking a risk'?"

Oh, poor Big Daddy.......
Big Daddy: "Taking a risk? It's like 'taking a chance'."

Silence.

Uh-oh.
Big Daddy: "Did you take a risk?"

Sister: "Yes, I taked a risk when I runned and jumped on this bed because I could've falled off the other side."

Let's just not contemplate now where this can go in the future.  I'm not sure Big Daddy's Hair can take it.

Sweet Christmas Dreams

A couple of days ago, Big Brother was driving me NUTS, asking questions about presents and looking around the house and what was he getting and where were all the presents and why weren't there any under the tree.  So I told him that if he kept snooping around and found any hidden Christmas presents, I would take them all right back to the store.

Then I suggested that he NOT look under his bed.

Sister's Checking It Twice

Sister: "Mommy? Are you being nice? It's Christmas tomorrow. Are you being good?"

Me: "Yes. Don't you think so?"

Sister, with a one shoulder shrug: "Well, you're being a little good."

That's better than most years for me.......

Sister's Random Statement of Fact

"He's home by his self.  That's why it's called 'Home Alone'."

Now you know.

"Little" Sibling Rivalry Takes Over

This morning at breakfast:

Big Brother (7 1/2), in that voice nobody wants to hear: "I don't waaant to sit by Sister!"

Tank (2 1/2), yelling: "No Sister! No sit! Rrrraaaaawwwwwrrrrr!"
Then Tank, in a deep, growlly voice: "No Sister! No sit!"
Then Tank, in a high pitched voice: "No Sister! No sit!"

The Little Stinker is mocking Big Brother?  We have entered a new era of sibling rivalry.

Sibling Rivalry, Take Three

Sister: "Big Brother has the hiccups!"

Big Brother: "And Sister is trying to make them go away!"

Me: "How is she doing that?"

Big Brother, pointing almost there: "Well, she is putting her foot here."

Um, where?

Big Brother, demonstrating with a hop: "And she is stucking up."

Stucking up?

Sister: "I'm trying to scare them away!"

Big Daddy: "Well, you're scaring me."

Sibling Rivalry, Take Two

Racing up the stairs:

Sister: "You're cheating!"
Big Brother: "Well, I knew you would cheat!"

And the photo finish:

Big Brother: "I won!"
Sister: "You cheated!"

Sibling Rivalry

Big Brother: "Knock, knock!"

Sister: "Who's there?"

Big Brother: "Chima!"

Sister: "Chima who?"

Big Brother: "Sister is weird!"

Sister: "Knock, knock!"

Big Brother: "Who's there?"

Sister: "Air Bunny!"

Big Brother: "Air Bunny who?"

Sister: "Banana Splits don't cry!"

It is going to be a looooong Winter Break for Mommy.

Sister's Random Statement of Fact

"You're 'always right' most of the time, but not all of the 

time.  You're not 'always right'. You're not 'always right' a 

little bit (using fingers to show how little) of the time. But 

you're mostly 'always right' most of the time. Right Mommy?"

Sister Adds to Her Christmas List

Sister: "Mommy?  What if there was just me................and a little sister?"

Me: "Just you and a little sister?"

Sister: "And you and Daddy, too!"

Me: "Of course."

Sister: "Just me and a little sister and you and Daddy."

Me: "Just us, huh?"

Sister: "No Big Brother. No Tank."

Me: "Really?"

Sister: "No Big Brother. No Tank. Just me and a little sister and you and Daddy."

Me: "Yeah, I got that."

The Mysteries of the Male Mind

Walking across the elementary school parking lot.

Big Brother: "Schools are like hotels."

Where did THAT come from?
Me: "Except for the beds. Isn't that kind of the purpose of a hotel, to have beds?"

Big Brother: "Well, schools have lots of rooms."

Maybe I can give him that one.
Me: "Ah, yeah."

Big Brother: "And there are coffee pots."

Coffee pots?
Me: "Oooooo-kay."

Big Brother: "And there are numbers."

Wha?
Me: "You should probably have this discussion with your father.  I am sure he will understand it."

Tank's Growing Vocabulary

Random preschool DVD playing: "Blah, blah, blah, guacamole, blah, blah, blah." (I wasn't really paying attention)

Tank: "Gwak-gawk-o-lee!"

Me:  "Guacamole?  Can you say guacamole?"

Tank:  "No!  How no!"

Um, did my two year old just tell me "hell no"?

Sister Can't Eat Her Applesauce Because.......

Sister doesn't do vegetables.  Or fruit.  Not even strawberries, not even apples, not even blueberries. None of it. Except for applesauce, under certain conditions, which are subject to change without notice.

"I can't eat my applesauce because when I feed myself, I get cold."

Sister's Christmas Wish

Sister doesn't do the whole 'sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want for Christmas' thing.  She stays far away from him and sends Big Brother up to deliver her 'must have' list.

Me:  "What do you want Big Brother to ask Santa for this year?"

Sister:  "I want Frozen Fantasy."

Silence. 
We have no idea what she is talking about.

Big Brother:  "I caaan't ask for thaaat."

And let me just advise against an internet search.

Bedtime

Crash! Tumble, tumble, tumble! Whisper, whisper, whisper.

What are they doing?  They are supposed to be in bed!

Tumble, crash, tumble, crash! Whisper, whisper, whisper.

I can't yell because I'm rocking the baby, and he's almost asleep.

Crash! Tumble, tumble, tumble! 

Me, yelling from the nursery: "What! Are! You! Doing?!"

Big Brother, matter of fact: "Building a booby trap."

Mom of the Year

Interview at 4pm:

Nurse:  "How long has she had a sore throat?"

Me, looking at Sister:  "When did your sore throat start?"

Sister, hoarsely: "This morning."

Me, surprised:  "Before I took you to school?"

Sister:  "Uh-huh."

Nurse: "Has she been coughing?"

Me, cringing:  "Yeah, she was coughing before school."

Nurse, taking Sister's temp:  "What was her temperature earlier?"

Me, meekly:  "I didn't take it because I didn't think she had one.  What is it now?"

Nurse, thankfully non-judgmental:  "102 point 8.  Has she had a flu shot?"

Me, head hung low:  "No. I've been too busy writing my Mom of the Year acceptance speech."

Sister's Lessons on Etiquette

Tank: "Braaw!"

Me, giving the look:  "We don't burp at the table.  It's bad manners."

Sister, our resident etiquette expert: "It wasn't a real burp!"

Me, am I really arguing this?: "It doesn't matter if it's real or fake."

Sister, not letting it go: "It's only really bad manners if it's a really real burp."

Thanks for clearing that up for us.

Sister's Lessons on Etiquette

Tank: "Blaaaw!  Cue may!  Blaaaw!  Cue may!  Blaaw!  Cue may!"

Me:  "That's enough fake burping at the dinner table."  
I can't believe I have to scold a two year old about fake burping! Who taught him that, anyway?

Sister:  "But he said 'excuse me'."

Well, that answers my question.

Thanksgiving practice

TBT: From 2013 on the Sunday before Thanksgiving.  Big Brother was 6 years old, Sister was 4 years old, and Tank was 20 months old.


We practiced Thanksgiving dinner tonight......yes, you read that correctly. We had turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing and pumpkin pie, all of which are on the McKinney Kids' "I Don't Like That Even Though I Refuse To Try It" list. We practiced sitting in our chairs, trying new foods, and being polite when we didn't like something.

It was a true trial run of Thanksgiving. Everyone was crying because there was nothing good to eat, Tank was screaming at being strapped into a highchair, and Big Daddy and I were snapping at each other over all the commotion. Tank threw his milk and food across the dining room, Sister's drink got spilled all over the table and the floor, and Big Brother choked on his pie and threw up his whole dinner.

Yep, we are ready for Thanksgiving.

Monday Morning Workout

Monday Morning Workout

Warm-up:  Deep breath in. Announce to two year old that it is time to get dressed for school. Chase two year old around house, attempting to catch him. "No drest! No drest!"

Weights:  Dead lift 40 pound two year old from his prone position in the middle of the living room. Bend at knees and use legs to lift unless you know a great chiropractor.  "Doe wan git drest! Doe wan git drest!"

Cardio:  Stairs. All 15 of them. Log carry screaming, kicking 40 pounder. Move quickly before you drop him! "Doe wan go skoo! Doe wan go skoo!"

Squats:  From the changing table. Repetitions will vary according to number of items two year old can grab or kick.
Expect at least 10 reps:

1. sock "Doe."
2. other sock "Wan."
3. pants "Go."
4. shirt "Skoo."
5. clean diaper "No."
6. wipes container "Drest."
7. sock "Doe."
8. other sock "Wan."
9. wipes container "Go."
10. dirty diaper (hopefully it is already bagged) "Skoo."

Abs and Arms:  From the changing table. Brace feet shoulder width apart for stability. Maintain core strength as you attempt to wrestle two year old body into clothing.

1. Socks:  Attempt to catch the two year old's right foot in the first sock. Move up with the two year old's right foot, move down with the two year old's right foot, move up with the two year old's right foot, move down with the two year old's right foot. When the two year old's right foot is captured in the sock, repeat on the left foot.  Be sure to position yourself so that you can use your elbows to dissuade the removal of the right sock. "Doe wan sox! Doe wan sox!" 
2. Pants:  Action is similar to the socks exercise.  Beware that it is easier to kick off a pant leg than it is to pull off a sock.  This may be the most difficult part of the workout, and you may be tempted to give up at this point. Just remind yourself that it is 30 degrees outside, and everyone must wear pants today. Move up, move down, move up, move down."No pans!  No pans!"
3. Shirt:  Bending slightly at the waist and using both your arms together, coax the 40 pound body to sit up on the changing table.  Expect resistance in the form of a two year old's back arch. Remember to breath, concentrate all your strength into your core and biceps, maintain your grip, and resist the urge to yell, "Sit your ass up, now!" When you get the two year old to sit up, quickly put shirt over head and apply the technique that worked with the pants to get arms into sleeves. The technique will change every day. Move up, move front, move down, move back. "Doe wan shur! Doe wan shur!"

Cardio:  This extra cardio section is because you didn't take the shoes with you to the changing table. Chase two year old around the house, telling him to sit down and put on his shoes. "No shuz!  No shuz!"

Weights:  Dead lift 40 pound two year old from his prone position in the middle of the living room. Remember the bending knees thing and using legs thing. "Doe wike shuz! Doe wike shuz!"

Cardio:  Log carry screaming, kicking 40 pounder to car, carrying one shoe under each of your arms. Again, move quickly before you drop him. "Doe wan go skoo! Doe wan go skoo!"

Abs and Arms:  Gently set two year old into car seat.  Brace feet shoulder width apart for stability. Maintain core strength as you put all eight of the two year old's arms through car seat straps.  Use your upper body strength to gently overcome the two year old plank position. The karate chop is an illegal move. Secure straps when two year old is finally in sitting position. "No stwaps! No stwaps!"

Cool Down:  Exhale. Wish for a nap. Settle for another cup of coffee. And drop that kid off at school.

This is Sister

Sister is five years old.  Actually, she is five and A HALF years old.  

She was born with a sense of self and of the universe that is unparalleled.  When she tells you how it is, out of the blue, regardless of the subject matter, you just have to take it as fact.  

Sister's Random Statement of Fact:

"Do you know why we need to drink so much water?  When you keep eating and you never wash your hands, you get germs inside.  You have to drink a LAAHT of water to take the germs away."