Sister's Lessons on Etiquette

Tank: "Braaw!"

Me, giving the look:  "We don't burp at the table.  It's bad manners."

Sister, our resident etiquette expert: "It wasn't a real burp!"

Me, am I really arguing this?: "It doesn't matter if it's real or fake."

Sister, not letting it go: "It's only really bad manners if it's a really real burp."

Thanks for clearing that up for us.

Sister's Lessons on Etiquette

Tank: "Blaaaw!  Cue may!  Blaaaw!  Cue may!  Blaaw!  Cue may!"

Me:  "That's enough fake burping at the dinner table."  
I can't believe I have to scold a two year old about fake burping! Who taught him that, anyway?

Sister:  "But he said 'excuse me'."

Well, that answers my question.

Thanksgiving practice

TBT: From 2013 on the Sunday before Thanksgiving.  Big Brother was 6 years old, Sister was 4 years old, and Tank was 20 months old.


We practiced Thanksgiving dinner tonight......yes, you read that correctly. We had turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing and pumpkin pie, all of which are on the McKinney Kids' "I Don't Like That Even Though I Refuse To Try It" list. We practiced sitting in our chairs, trying new foods, and being polite when we didn't like something.

It was a true trial run of Thanksgiving. Everyone was crying because there was nothing good to eat, Tank was screaming at being strapped into a highchair, and Big Daddy and I were snapping at each other over all the commotion. Tank threw his milk and food across the dining room, Sister's drink got spilled all over the table and the floor, and Big Brother choked on his pie and threw up his whole dinner.

Yep, we are ready for Thanksgiving.

Monday Morning Workout

Monday Morning Workout

Warm-up:  Deep breath in. Announce to two year old that it is time to get dressed for school. Chase two year old around house, attempting to catch him. "No drest! No drest!"

Weights:  Dead lift 40 pound two year old from his prone position in the middle of the living room. Bend at knees and use legs to lift unless you know a great chiropractor.  "Doe wan git drest! Doe wan git drest!"

Cardio:  Stairs. All 15 of them. Log carry screaming, kicking 40 pounder. Move quickly before you drop him! "Doe wan go skoo! Doe wan go skoo!"

Squats:  From the changing table. Repetitions will vary according to number of items two year old can grab or kick.
Expect at least 10 reps:

1. sock "Doe."
2. other sock "Wan."
3. pants "Go."
4. shirt "Skoo."
5. clean diaper "No."
6. wipes container "Drest."
7. sock "Doe."
8. other sock "Wan."
9. wipes container "Go."
10. dirty diaper (hopefully it is already bagged) "Skoo."

Abs and Arms:  From the changing table. Brace feet shoulder width apart for stability. Maintain core strength as you attempt to wrestle two year old body into clothing.

1. Socks:  Attempt to catch the two year old's right foot in the first sock. Move up with the two year old's right foot, move down with the two year old's right foot, move up with the two year old's right foot, move down with the two year old's right foot. When the two year old's right foot is captured in the sock, repeat on the left foot.  Be sure to position yourself so that you can use your elbows to dissuade the removal of the right sock. "Doe wan sox! Doe wan sox!" 
2. Pants:  Action is similar to the socks exercise.  Beware that it is easier to kick off a pant leg than it is to pull off a sock.  This may be the most difficult part of the workout, and you may be tempted to give up at this point. Just remind yourself that it is 30 degrees outside, and everyone must wear pants today. Move up, move down, move up, move down."No pans!  No pans!"
3. Shirt:  Bending slightly at the waist and using both your arms together, coax the 40 pound body to sit up on the changing table.  Expect resistance in the form of a two year old's back arch. Remember to breath, concentrate all your strength into your core and biceps, maintain your grip, and resist the urge to yell, "Sit your ass up, now!" When you get the two year old to sit up, quickly put shirt over head and apply the technique that worked with the pants to get arms into sleeves. The technique will change every day. Move up, move front, move down, move back. "Doe wan shur! Doe wan shur!"

Cardio:  This extra cardio section is because you didn't take the shoes with you to the changing table. Chase two year old around the house, telling him to sit down and put on his shoes. "No shuz!  No shuz!"

Weights:  Dead lift 40 pound two year old from his prone position in the middle of the living room. Remember the bending knees thing and using legs thing. "Doe wike shuz! Doe wike shuz!"

Cardio:  Log carry screaming, kicking 40 pounder to car, carrying one shoe under each of your arms. Again, move quickly before you drop him. "Doe wan go skoo! Doe wan go skoo!"

Abs and Arms:  Gently set two year old into car seat.  Brace feet shoulder width apart for stability. Maintain core strength as you put all eight of the two year old's arms through car seat straps.  Use your upper body strength to gently overcome the two year old plank position. The karate chop is an illegal move. Secure straps when two year old is finally in sitting position. "No stwaps! No stwaps!"

Cool Down:  Exhale. Wish for a nap. Settle for another cup of coffee. And drop that kid off at school.

This is Sister

Sister is five years old.  Actually, she is five and A HALF years old.  

She was born with a sense of self and of the universe that is unparalleled.  When she tells you how it is, out of the blue, regardless of the subject matter, you just have to take it as fact.  

Sister's Random Statement of Fact:

"Do you know why we need to drink so much water?  When you keep eating and you never wash your hands, you get germs inside.  You have to drink a LAAHT of water to take the germs away."