Summer Vacation, Day 7, Tantrum # 12,465

"I don't like any of the food in this house! It's so bad that it makes me almost throw-up all over everything!"

Well, we can't have that. I better stop cooking. 

Sister's Random Statement of Fact

Sister: "Let me tell you something you need to know. You can NEVER cut down a tree that has something that you ride on."

Me: "You mean, like a tire swing?"

Sister: "Yeah. Like a tire swing."

Summer Vacation, Day 3, Part 3

Big Brother, excited: "I had a dream last night that we got three dogs! One for each of us! I got a beagle like Gertrude. Tank got a chihuahua. And Sister got a hound dog."

Sister, unhappy: "I don't want a hound dog! I want a poodle!"

Big Brother, indignant: "Sister! It's MY dream!"

Tank, laughing: "Siwwy Sistew! No puddles!"

Big Brother, adding: "And Big Daddy got a wolf!"

Sister, incredulous: "Big Daddy! You got a wolf?"

Big Brother, answering for Big Daddy: "Sister! It was only a dream!"

Sister: "Well, I had a dream last night, too."

Big Brother: "No you didn't!"

Sister: "Uh-huh! I was sleeping, and thinking, and saying the words in my mind! I was dreaming!"

Summer Vacation, Day 3, Part 2

Big Brother: "When did George Washington die?"

Me: "I don't know."

Big Brother: "How did he die?"

Me: "I don't know."

Sister: "I thought you knew everything!"

Me: "No. I said I was always right. I didn't say I knew everything."

Big Brother: "Well, there was that one time when you were wrong, remember?"

Me: "Okay! It's quiet time! No more talking!"

Summer Vacation, Day 3

Sister: "Do I have to get married?"

Me: "No, you don't have to get married."

Sister: "Good!"

Me: "Why don't you want to get married?"

Sister: "Because I don't want my stomach to hurt."

Me: "Why would your stomach hurt?"

Sister: "It would hurt if I had a baby."

Me: "You don't have to have a baby. You can get married without having a baby."

Sister: "Well, I don't want any kids because they are a LOT of work! When does school start?"

Me: "Not soon enough."

Honing Important Skills

The quiet of a cloudy Saturday morning was broken by the gutteral, raspy declaration, "Hulk Smash!"

Set to break up the boys' wrestling match, I discovered Big Brother pinned on the couch by Sister, and she declared again, "Hulk Smash!" as she held him down.

This move might serve her well someday. Carry on, Hulk.

And So It Begins

I turned to the sound of little, running feet to find an angelic face full of excited expectation. Sleep tousled hair, bright shiny eyes, sweet pink cheeks, and a plump bow-shaped mouth all frame a pert little nose shimmering with a constant flow of gleaming snot. How can I deny such a face? A face created within my own womb, reminiscent of his handsome father, and so pure and innocent that it breaks my heart into tiny pieces every time I gaze upon it. I long to smother those sweet cheeks with a thousand kisses, except a shimmer on the right one suggests smeared snot, so I'll refrain for the moment.

Then a sweet voice, like angels singing on high, emerges from that bow-shaped mouth while chubby little hands extend an empty plate in my direction, "Maw, peas?"

And my heart aches. So sweet. So trusting. So hopeful. But I must deliver the evil words, "I'm sorry, Tank. The cinnamon rolls are all gone. You ate the last one."

There is silence so deafening that I think my ears will burst. And the breath is sucked from the room, eagerly waiting in dread for the response of heartbreak. It is not long in coming, and its ferociousness is staggering in its intensity. The initial scream of denial is piercing but quickly tamped down by the rapid, demanding stomping of angry little feet. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" is the lament that fills the air and surrounds our souls. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" is its wrenching echo that rips the heart from your chest. "NOOOOOOOO!" is the denial that renews the anger and heartbreak. 

"I WON MAW SIN-MON WOES!!!"

And the plate clambers to the floor, and the sturdy little body collapses next to it, and the kicking, and the pounding, and the screaming ensue. Tears flow. Wails flow. Snot flows. The mourning of the devouring of the last cinnamon roll rivals the anguished lament of a thousand mourners at a wailing wall. It is so consuming. It is so agonized. It is so woeful.

"Would you like some strawberries?" I offer.

There is silence so deafening that the echoes of the recent screams still ring in my ears.

"Okay." 

My angel lithely springs to his feet, the soul-wrenching flow of tears gone, the keening wail silenced, the eternal flow of snot still at a run.

And we have survived the first hour of the first day of summer vacation.

I Meant To Do That

Just this morning, 
Big Brother fell UP the stairs,
I fell DOWN the stairs,
Sister fell ON the step stool at the bathroom sink, and
Tank fell OFF of, well, I'm not really sure whether it was the arm of the couch, the coffee table, or a toy truck that is not made for riding on or standing on, but he did point at the TV stand and try to blame it for his fall.

Either the universe is in an uproar, or we have efficiently and painfully demonstrated heredity.