Do You Smell Something?

Sister: "Can you make the decision to get married and not have kids?"

Me: "Ahhh, sure."

Sister: "Then what do you do after you get married?"

Me: "You live your life."

Sister: "But what do you DO?"

Me, wistfully: "You do whatever you want to do. And you don't have to wipe runny noses or poopy bottoms or cook anything with 'nuggets' in the name."

Tank: "Mah bot-um's nah poopy!"

Thank goodness for small favors.

Cutting Out the Middleman

Tank: "Ah wan dat por Chwiss-mash."

Me: "Well, you can put it on your Christmas List and tell Santa that's what you want him to bring you for Christmas."

Tank: "Ahm tel-wing YOU, so YOU can bwing it to me por Chriss-mash."

All Creatures, Big and Small

Sister, in hysterics by the Christmas tree: "Spider! Spider! Spider! There's a spider in here!"

Me, from the kitchen and before coffee: "Then get a shoe and kill it."

Sister, in continued hysterics: "Tank! Get a shoe, and kill the spider!"

Tank, thoughtfully and calmly, kneeling by the tree: "I can't kilw da pidew. He mah fwiend. He wanna see da Chwiss-mash twee."

Merry Chwiss-mash Little Pidew.

Limping Into The Weekend

Tank, pointing to the left shoe on his foot while holding the right shoe under his arm: "Wook wha I did!"

Me: "Yes, you put on one of your shoes. Why didn't you put on the other one?"

Tank, sighing: "Too many feet."

We have worn ourselves out this week.........