Sister's Random Statement of Fact

"On my birthday, I will be six! Then I will be seven, then eight, then nine, then ten. Then 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. Then I will be in high school. Then I will be in college. Then I will be a grown-up. And when I'm a grown-up, you will die."

Someday I Will Miss This

Tank: "Mommy."

Me: "What?"

Tank: "Mommy!"

Me: "What?!"

Tank: "MOMMY!"

Me: "What, Tank?!!"

Tank: "MOMMY!"

Me: "TANK!"

Tank: "What?"

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Me: "Big Brother and I saw a rainbow this evening."

Sister, incredulous: "You did?" 
Then excitedly, "Did you find the treasure?"

Me: "We didn't go look for it."

Tank demonstrating his emerging verbal skills with authority: "Dere no tre-shure."

I've got another 'know-it-all".

Contemplating the Size of the Universe

Sister and I checking out the crescent moon and planets at dusk.

Sister: "What planet is that?"

Me: "That is Jupiter."

Sister: "Is it far away?"

Me: "Yes, it is very far away."

Sister: "Seventy miles?"

Me: "No, it's a bit farther."

Sister: "Seventy-TWO miles?

Sister's Advice for St. Patrick's Day

"Watch out for those sneaky, little guys. I forgot what you call those sneaky, little guys, but they will pinch you if you are not wearing green. And they are sneaky because they are trying to keep you from their pot of gold. If I had a pot of gold I would buy an American Girl doll."

Sister's Random Statement of Fact

Background info: "The Chronicles of Narnia" is on television.

"Let me tell you something you need to know. Some men are half man and half horse."

She is WAY ahead of her time.

Sister's "What If?"

"What if Chewbacca's nickname was Candy and not Chewy?"

Sister's Random Statement of Fact

"That's why they call it Thneedville."

Oh Here, Let Me Get That For You......

Sister, putting a card into an envelope for Big Daddy's birthday, points to the dry adhesive: "Can I do that part?"

Me: "Sure."

Sister, starts to stick out her tongue to wet the adhesive then stops: "No, that's disgusting. You do it."

Sister's Random Statement of Fact................and a Follow-Up

"Things that are not appropriate for kids are appropriate for adults, but not for kids."

Pondering, pondering, pondering.

"What's 'appropriate'?"

Open Position

March 5, 2015
6:05pm

To Whom It May Concern;

This letter serves as my formal resignation from the position of Head Cook in the McKinney Household.  In the absence of a written employment contract, my resignation is effective immediately.

One of the requirements for the position of Head Cook is "to plan acceptable menus and ensure prepared meals meet quality standards." This rather general statement of duty is currently being interpreted by at least four different factions within the household, and these factions cannot agree to the definitions of  "acceptable menus" and "quality standards." I can no longer work in the chaos that ensues upon the announcement of tonight's menu. The demands and responses have become anarchical and riotous and beyond the reach of the duties I assumed to be part of this thankless position.

The "acceptable menus" is constantly debated, and it has become impossible to introduce new dishes into the monthly menu plans as one faction is obsessed with fast food chicken nuggets and pizza and throws a fit when this option is not available nightly.  The second faction cannot think of anything but chocolate and cookies, asking continuously, "What's for dessert?" The third faction has a limited vocabulary and tends to follow the loudest of the first two factions by either yelling, "pea-sah!" or "quoo-quee!" along with "Doe wan dinnah!"  The fourth faction does not help alleviate the insanity by avoiding the dinner table to silently sneak cereal or peanut butter and toast for dinner.

Furthermore, "quality standards" is not a consistently defined requirement, and absent a written definition, is subject to change on a moment's notice or toddler's whim.  The baked spaghetti that was "yummy!" two weeks ago is now "yucky!" and is no longer allowed on the dinner table by Inspector #2.   Inspector #1 will accept carrots on his plate, but the long, skinny carrots he accepted yesterday are no longer allowed because they are not short, fat ones today.  Inspector #3 demands that everything be put on his plate in large quantities for his audit, but then he announces, "Doe wan dinnah!" and refuses to eat any of it or even stay in his seat. Inspector #4 has been relieved of his auditing duties this week because he incredulously asked, "Did you drink that whole case of hard cider from Christmas already?" at a most inopportune moment.

For the aforementioned reasons, I can no longer continue in the position of Head Cook.  It is without regret that I leave tonight's dinner to burn, the countertops covered with dirty dishes, and go out to dinner by myself.  Alone.  Somewhere without a kids' menu.

Regards,
Momma

Sister's "What If?"

Sister, with a lisp, contemplating life without her newly-lost front tooth: "What if my growed up toothsh doeshn't grow in before tomorrow? Do I shtill have to go to shchool?"

I guess the shiny of kindergarten has finally worn off.

Sister's Random Statement of Fact....and Reiteration of Her Authority

Sister, confidently: "He is called Dark Vadar because his suit is black."

Me, gently: "Well, his name is DarTH Vadar." 

Silence. The look. Silence.

Me, just trying to help: "It's DarTH Vadar. D-A-R-T-H. DarTH."

Sister, staring into my soul: "Yes. I know that, Mommy. Stop telling me that."